I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Pants are for mortals
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
