My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
