my phone needs a breathalizer
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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