i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
