so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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