Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
