I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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