Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
