Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
