Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
