omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
