Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
