I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
