he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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