I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
