Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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