i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Houston, we have a squirter
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
