my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
