I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
