You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
