There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
