Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
