then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
