i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
