So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
