Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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