How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
