but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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