I just made out with a guy for $7.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You made out with two different species that night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
