I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
