What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
