Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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