I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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