I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
