i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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