Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
