I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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