shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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