I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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