rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
