so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
