My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
