If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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