I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
