Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
