So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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