He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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