Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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