I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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