do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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